Why I lost faith in humanity for a while...
I'm always interested in finding out about bands I've never heard before and have developed an effective way of doing it. Simple really find a song you like, watch it's Youtube video, and the first band I've never heard before that comes up in the suggestions list, I check out, then the first band in that list for that song, I check out and so on until various complications arise from it and all you can find are covers bands. So, on this particular morning, I find myself listening to some Escape the Fate, watching the lyric video for Situations. The sleazy, hooky, and overall dark metallic vibe that emerges from the song is a clear sign of them at their best. So I'm optimistic about the kind of bands that I'm going to find, if they are similar to the fun modern update on sleaze rock that is Situations. This optimism is then dashed somewhat, when I see the first band to come up is a group that my friend Jonathan (Hey man!) referred to the day previous, simply referring to them as "awful". But I don't let this get me down. We've had differing music tastes in the past. So, I check the title of the video. This allows me to remove more optimism for how the song will be. First of all, the bands name is stylized in a way so that it's... well... it's written as BrokeNCYDE... My initial thought to this is that the only people who write this way are annoying pre teens who never just shut the hell up and misspell and switch between lowercase and capitals letters to be quirky and unique. This thought is not helped by the fact that they've also managed to create two smiley faces that actually look like smiley faces rather than a colon and two brackets on the side. You know, the kind I would have been able to make on Bebo when I was twelve. However, I won't let this put me off either. After all there's always the annoying pre-teen Slipknot fans who do the similar kind of thing when they put a capital K in the band name and in the video description have "lol 666 StAy sic MaGgOtS!!!" The kind who call themselves the biggest fans ever and then they say their favourite song is Psychosocial. Those kind. They're always the kind of fans that are most prominent on the internet and they really give the band a bad name. So I have the idea that the idea with Brokencyde is similar and there actually is a lot of sophisticated fans and this is just a badly made video from one of the more... retarded fans. And so, with my hopes reasonably high, I prepare to listen to the song in front of me. This is just band that I've heard a simple bad remark about, have a high amount of stupid pre-teen fans and are similar to Escape the Fate. It doesn't sound too bad. After all, the same thing could be said about the Black Veil Brides and I've really gotten into them, I'm quite willing to take on this song. I'm sure I'll have a great time listening to this! And with that, I click on the link to the song Freaxxx by what is going to be this awesome new band for me, Brokencyde.
Three minutes and thirty four seconds later, I am looking out my window onto the street, watching the world go by as the blissful people all around walk by in their merry ways without a care in the world. I look at this, and I think of the world in which we live and life as a whole. I take a good long think. And I say to myself "Is there really any point of going on?" Humanity as a whole seems very grim. And yes, I try shooting myself with plastic toy gun How the hell has our society and culture become so idiotic and raised on shit that we have allowed this group to become popular? How?
When I first heard the lyrical capabilities of Hollywood Undead, my initial thoughts were "Wow. These makes the lyrics of Limp Bizkit look respectable." Brokencyde's lyrics make Hollywood Undead's lyrics sound respectable which in turn make the lyrics of the Bizkit sound... Godly. I thought this would be a band who would have darker more metaphorical lyrics with the comparisons Escape the Fate, a band who despite the often sleazy lyrics, maintain a darkness and emo inspired character about them. I certainly wasn't expecting some crummy faux gangsta-rap lyrics about going to the club and getting laid that the would be too rude and annoying for the Radio 1 chart show, never mind an association with the world of rock music. "Convertible top, and the wheels spin / I can taste that ice when my grill is in / If you want me baby feel me in / 'cause I don't waste my time with lesbians." These would eb the best example of how awful they are lyrically. It's just immature twelve year old sexual rantings that sound like they're coming from a twelve year old kid that doesn't know the first thing about what he's talking about. And this a weak set of lyrics talking about being rich and having a nice car and getting girls. These are the kind of lyrics 50 Cent would be embarrased to use. Probably.
The vocals of "Se7en" and "Mikl" are just horrendous, sounding like those of comedy hip hop trio The Lonely Island trying to be serious when doing their attrocious rapping, use far too much auto tune and the scream vocals? Well the scream vocals are just embarrasing. They're badly executed, sound sloppy and lack the sheer power that scream vocals are supposed to deliver, so the main rock element of their music is a complete failure.
The music itself is really not even worth considering, I thought they might include some heavy riffs and breakdowns or something similar that makes Asking Alexandria and I See Stars enjoyable. No riffs. Basically the scream vocals are just put to a lazy synthesizer backdrop. That doesn't fucking work. And there's no dynamism ar creativity to it of any kind. It's just a continuous synth drone, with all horrible vocals added to. This is awful.
So, I never actually thought that the title of "Worst band in the world" could be achieved properly, but Brokencyde have come along and properly achieved the title. You must be so proud guys. You're making music to appeal only to pre-teen girls and corrupting their minds beyond belief. Your music allowed me to lose faith in humanity and in music as a whole for the time being. The only solution is for me to escape new music for a little while and get away to somewhere where the monstrosity of Brokencyde and the genre they've invented, "Crunkcore" (fuck off!) cannot find me and infct me. So I'm going to spend a week in Barcelona to help restore my faith in society and humanity as a whole and when I get back, I'll have hopefully retained the positivity to review all the best new rock music. Wish me luck in clearing my head of this... fucking piece of shit!