Hey readers. If you're a regular reader of my writing, who knows, you may exist, you may realise that I've been trying with every stage to present my reviews in a more sophisticated professional manner but there's always been something missing. I've been trying to avoid it for ages mainly for fear that I would mess up while using it and get my thoughts wrong but, well, it's been a year now and I'd like to think that in that time, I've come on a bit as a music reviewer to the extent that I can introduce this with reasonable confidence. I am of course, referring to a Rating System.
I've been taking the time to think of how I could present my ratings. I don't think there's anything I could do to re-invent the wheel in my approach. I could do the classic 1-5 stars rating of an album. It's pretty simple and pretty effective, especially if I then go into using half stars as well. Let's look at some examples in a fairly faulty manner because Blogger is weird:
Mastodon - The Hunter
Nickelback - Here and Now
It's a good enough way of scoring, simple and well-meaning. Alternatively, I could do a score out of ten for albums, which would give a more detailed examination and would be easier to put out since there's little need for keeping any kind of icons. Let's see how that would go...
Dry the River - Shallow Bed: 6/10
Candlemass - Psalms for the Dead: 850/10
Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu: -614,430,639,264/10
It's certainly full of potential. Of course, I could also shamefully rip off Kerrang! Magazine's "K" rating system and give albums an amount of "ROARF"'s based on how good they were. I mean, couldn't you just see it:
Torche - Harmonicraft: ROARFROARFROARFROARFROARF
But, I have a cool idea to top all of these. I like the stars idea the most and I have a cool idea to make it my own. I needed an imagery to muster up images of dusty dirty rock and roll, that brings up images of distorted riffs and blazing through the desert. And then I thought of card games. Playing card games can either be for boring old men. It can be for hyperactive children, the kind that we were at the start of 6th year at my school or it can be pretty rock and roll. "If you like to gamble, I tell ya I'm your man!" Lemmy proudly boasted in a fairly well-known rock song and he's a pretty rock and roll guy right?
So, I figured, what would be cool would be to give an album a number of Spades to mark it's rating because Spades are the coolest of the card faces, once again "The only card I need is the Ace of Spades!" Lemmy triumphantly stated in that same hit. And all we need are Spades on Ramblings of a Rock Fan.
So, let's meet the ratings family and see what we have on offer and what it will represent for future albumsI review:
Terrible. I complete wreckage of an album with no merit whatsoever. Brokencyde beware.
Again, a complete waste of an album with little talent but it might be laughably bad. Think old Attack Attack! releases.
Still fairly unimpressive but there may be enough hooks to avoid the total thing being a piece of crap.
Again, uninspired but may show ability to pen a song to keep everyone going, but it may not stretch across an entire album.
An impressive listen. Showing signs of a previously bad band stepping up, the unstable introduction of a new musical style or a good album that doesn't necessarily reinvent the wheel or bring anything new to the game.
A solid album that stands on it's own two feet while not being fully original but displaying an exceptional talent for what the musicians do and showing a ton of potential.
An incredible display of brilliantly crafted music, showing signs of creativity, excitement and passion in what they band is doing and the ability of the album to achieve all it's goals.
A mind blowing album that proves itself to be the band's best effort to date. Filled with memorable songs and future anthems.
The Ace of Spades. A modern classic. One of the best pieces of music you'll hear played to the standard that you hope the band splits up so that they don't release anything again that may be worse or better.
Hope this is satisfying. if I want to become a more credible music reviewer these have to be introduced and be used well. Let's do this.